When a child acts out, it’s easy to see the behavior. The yelling, the refusal, the clinginess, the tears. But what we often miss especially in the moment is the emotion behind it. What we call kid emotion, the inner experience that drives the reaction.
I’ve been there. Not just as a family coach, but as a mother. My twins are almost 16 now, and I can say with full heart: what helped us most over the years wasn’t a magic discipline trick or a perfect parenting plan. It was learning to name emotions early. Really early.
We started when they were toddlers. I didn’t wait for them to have big reactions to talk about big feelings.
We made emotion part of our language. I will say: You look frustrated, That’s made you proud. Are you feeling nervous right now?
It wasn’t always smooth, but it created something strong: connection, trust, and emotional safety.
And today? They come to me. Even at this age. They know they can talk about what’s going on inside. That didn’t happen by accident. It happened because we gave emotion space.
This blog post is here to offer that to you. To bring clarity and calm to what can often feel like chaos. We’ll explore what emotions look like in kids, how you can begin naming them together, and how tools like emotion flashcards and charts can help.
You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need a way in. Let’s begin.
Behavior Tell You There's Emotion
You see the behavior. But what you’re really looking at is emotion.
A child who slams the door might be feeling unheard. A child who whines at the table might be overwhelmed. And the one who suddenly refuses to get dressed? That might be anxiety showing up as need for control.
Children don’t always have the words to say what’s going on inside. So they act it out. That’s why behavior isn’t something to battle, it’s something to listen to.
When you shift from saying What’s wrong with you? to saying ,What are you feeling right now? everything softens. You’re not ignoring the behavior. You’re responding to the kid emotion underneath it.
One thing I’ve seen again and again in families I work with: when parents begin naming feelings, kids begin calming faster. Even if they’re still upset, something shifts. They feel seen.
The Body Shows You Which Emotion
Sometimes, emotions don’t come out in words. They come out in the body.
Kids may not say, I feel nervous. But they might bite their nails, twist their shirt, or hide behind your leg. They may not tell you they’re angry, but they’ll stomp, cross their arms, or freeze in place. This is how kid emotion speaks when words aren’t there yet.
And that’s okay. It’s actually expected.
As parents, our job isn’t to fix the behavior right away. It’s to notice it. To ask ourselves, what feeling might be underneath this? The body gives us the clues.
This is exactly why I created our emotion flashcards with full-body illustrations. They help you and your child spot feelings by looking at posture, gestures, and movement. It’s a simple tool, but it opens up powerful conversations.
When kids begin to recognize how their body shows emotion, they start to build emotional awareness, and that’s where emotional growth begins.
The Face Reflects the Feeling
While emotion often begins in the face, most parents don’t notice it first. Why? Because the body usually gets louder. A stomp. A slam. A sudden stillness. Those grab your attention.
But once you slow down and really look, your child’s face tells you so much.
The eyes might look smaller when they’re feeling scared. The eyebrows rise with surprise or drop with frustration. Even the mouth tight, pouty, wide, or still carries emotional clues. The face reflects the feeling, even before your child can speak it.
This is why I created our feeling faces flashcards. They focus just on facial expressions, helping kids learn to recognize emotions like proud, nervous, tired, or frustrated just by looking at faces. It gives you a way to talk with your child, especially when they don’t know how to start the conversation.
You can use them during play, at the dinner table, or as a daily check-in. You might even say, Which face feels like you today? And that small moment can open a big door.
Guiding Your Kid Toward Self-Regulation
When your kid acts out, it’s not about being bad. It’s a sign he is struggling to cope. Once you’ve named the emotion, the next step is helping him manage it.
This doesn’t mean fixing the feeling. It means walking beside him as he learns to calm down, understand what he’s feeling, and choose better ways to respond.
Start by co-regulating. For younger kids, that could mean sitting nearby, breathing together, or using a gentle voice to help him feel safe. For an older kid, try saying something like, I know you’re frustrated, it’s okay to pause and breathe.
Visual tools like an emotion chart or an anger thermometer can also help. These tools teach him to spot what he’s feeling and decide what to do next.
With time, your kid builds a personal toolkit like counting, journaling, squeezing a stress ball, or simply asking for space. That’s how self-regulation begins: with your calm presence and steady support.
To support this process, I created the Anger Management Workbook Bundle for Kids , a 44-page printable set that includes a mood tracker, mindful activity pages, and emotion regulation tools to help your child manage anger in healthy, creative ways. You can find it in my Etsy store.
Teaching Calm Down Strategies That Work
I’ve learned that the best time to teach is never in the heat of the moment, it’s after. When your kid is finally calm, that’s when his brain is ready to hear you, learn something new, and maybe even try again.
In our home, we kept it simple. A few go to calm down tricks like slow breathing, counting to ten, or drawing how he felt. Some days it worked, some days it didn’t. But slowly, those tools became his.
You don’t need a perfect plan. You just need a few real, repeatable ways to help your child reset. That’s how he learns to trust himself, and how you show him you’re not afraid of his big feelings.
Making Emotions Playful and Relatable
Not every emotion needs a serious talk. Sometimes, kids process feelings best through laughter, games, and creative play. After the storm passes and calm returns, that’s your chance to connect in a lighter way.
I remember how we used to grab paper and crayons and start doodling different feelings, sometimes silly, sometimes real. It didn’t take long for those simple drawings to open up conversations. No pressure. Just connection.
Play gives kids the space to explore emotions safely. It lets them try on different feelings, name them, and even laugh about them. When emotions become part of play, they lose some of their scariness, and kids gain confidence in expressing them.
Helping Your Kid Grow Emotionally Strong
Big emotions in childhood can feel overwhelming for them and for us. But they aren’t forever. They’re part of the journey, not the destination.
The truth is, when you show up with calm, connection, and curiosity, you’re giving your kid something powerful: the tools to handle life. Every moment you pause instead of punish, reflect instead of react, you’re planting seeds. Not just for today, but for the kind of adult your child will become.
Emotional growth doesn’t happen all at once. It’s built through little steps, safe conversations, and the moments when your child realizes: My feelings don’t scare you. So maybe they don’t have to scare me either.
And that’s what makes all the difference.
When My Child Feels Big Emotions… I Can Respond With ….
If you would like to download this chart for easy use at home, Click here for printable PDF
Explore Our Printable Tools
Looking for simple ways to build connections at home?
Visit my Etsy shop for digital family resources — including planners, trackers, and affirmation cards for parents, teens, and couples.
